It is absolutely paralyzing to learn that your child has substance abuse issues. Where do you turn for help? How do you know what steps to take? What is addiction, anyway? There are endless questions and no consolidation source of answers or support. In addition, the stigma of having an addicted child causes many parents to retract and withdraw rather than seek help. In truth, many families struggle with substance abuse issues, and the support, wisdom and guidance they need are not easily found. Parent Pathway was created for parents, by parents, to provide a place to find peace of mind at a time when their world feels like it is falling apart.
Parents are asking and Experts are answering!
QUESTION: I have a son who is 19. Our family has dealt with the hell of his addiction for 6 years. He started smoking pot at 13 and got into to ice at 16. We sent him to Outward Bound for at Risk Teens for a month, he spent 2 months in a lock down psyche ward to get off ice followed by 2 months in a rehab in California and finally to another rehab where he earned his GED, started and finished college courses and stayed sober for a year. We had our son back! The day of his return home he was already using again!. The past year has been a sad decent back into his using and the loss of our son again to drugs. I finally told him to leave 4 months ago. He left with the clothes on his back into the waiting truck of a drug buddy and never looked back. He hasn’t been in contact with anyone from our family. He somehow has kept a job at a restaurant. I reached out to him after 2 months and learned his so called friends have had enough of him, his girlfriend broke up with him for obvious reasons, his laptop was stolen and he admits to being homeless, which has led to being demoted at work and written up for his appearance. He was just suspended from his job because he gave drugs to a co-workers younger brother and the guy pulled a gun and threatened to kill him! He called me only to ask for copies of his birth certificate and social security card so he could apply for food stamps. I had a talk with him and he asked what he had to do to come home. I told him he had to give me a clean drug test for a start. He eagerly agreed he wanted that. I said I had found a rehab on the island that we would be willing to pay for. He said he wanted to go for the appointment but today blew me off when it came time for me to pick him up. It didn’t surprise me but I just want my son back and I’m so sad he thinks the answer to his problems is getting public assistance. I have read books, gone to countless meetings over the years but the pain that greets me each morning when I open my eyes won’t go away. Does a mother ever give up on her child? This life he has chosen leaves me so sad and I worry the longer he’s out on the streets, the longer that becomes his normal. I’ve established my boundaries and will not let him come home, give him money etc, but I’m so tired of him only contacting me on his terms and just giving lip service to getting help. Would it be better to not have any contact with him? When I don’t have contact with him I’m unhappy and when I do have contact with him I’m unhappy. I want to feel better but how is that ever going to be possible under the circumstances? – Nancy
You have perfectly described the heartbreak that happens when you love someone with addiction. You are doing all the right things. It sounds like you could use some more emotional support, however. I would recommend seeking counseling for you in addition to attending Al-Anon meetings. Don’t ever give up hope but do try to stay healthy in spite of his sickness. I wish you the best. –Christy Crandell
I would say most of us just could not. We never give up on his/her possibilities. We never give up on the “knowing” Life is his journey. We have nothing we can no to empower him with the want to live up to his potential. Most families I sit with, the first thing the always say, my child is so smart, so loving.
Yes they are. What they are also, is in the depth of this horrific disease.
From the heart of a mom to your heart as a mom, I am so sorry for the pain your are living with. So is this how we live? We learn how to live life with this truth in the back of our heart. This was the secret for me. Live with it in the back not the constant forefront of my heart and daily living.
I knew my child had an addiction problem, living out on the streets, going from couch to couch, but I made the decision, for me, that I wanted to laugh again.
I sent prayers and I created a vision board for his future by taking his pictures, and pictures of what his life could be like if he chose it to be and affixed them on a small board. I kissed it and put it in the back of my closet.
I know this sounds silly to some, but to me it meant that I was not forgetting him, and more importantly I was not partnering up with his belief about himself. I knew he could be and do anything he wanted to, if he made this decision. Some nights before going to sleep, I took it out. I wished my son love and recovery, and put it away. Yes many times I would cry, and I would say to myself, ok. You have given time to cry and hurt. Now let’s give this day to joy, and peace.
I went to therapists, and felt renewed when I left. I went to Al-Anon meetings, and I felt empowered that I was the only one in my life I could control. I took on hobbies I had never tried before. I went to dinners more often. I shopped and laughed and had coffee with friends, more often. Those times I never discussed my child. This was my time.
So coming from a professional and a mother of perspective, no, we never forget, we just move on. We know those three “C’s” well:
- I can’t cure this
- I can’t control this
- I didn’t cause this.
Remembering only they can change themselves. What we do is continue to take care of ourselves and our environment. Blessings, Ricki Townsend
Read our addiction experts’ answers to a reader’s question, “How can addicts change when their brains are altered?”
Collision Course – Teen Addiction Epidemic has been awarded an Emmy! Watch the documentary about drug addiction here to see what makes it a winner.
Interview with Emmy-winning Collision Course Producer Joyce Mitchell
Q. The filming of Collision Course took place over almost two years. What impact–good and bad–did that have on the final product?
A. A documentary is a program that unfolds over the course of time. That way, a producer captures the development of stories over months and years.
Unfortunately, as we documented with Bryan, not everyone who gets clean stays clean. Because we had the time to follow Bryan over the course of 2 years, we saw his peaks and valleys. We first interviewed him clean. The night after our cameras shut down, he used. Then, we documented his journey back in to sobriety. The 2-year window of opportunity allowed us to show viewers that sobriety is hard work and not a one-time easy fix. But we also demonstrated that sobriety can be achieved.
Q. As you filmed, what did you learn about teen substance abuse that surprised you the most?
A. As a TV veteran who has produced programs about addiction in the past, I was surprised by several new trends. I think UC Davis Dr. Michael Wilkes said it best: “The kids are a step ahead of the toxicologists.” Learning about the drug “lean” caught me off guard. The dangerous concoction of cough syrup, alcohol, codeine, and other drugs popular in the rap crowd was new to me. Equally surprising was learning that kids are using drugs and alcohol at such a young age. This is attributed to being around older brothers and sisters. Some kids are exposed to their parents’ stash and are sampling it when the adults are away. What I came away with is that addiction is an epidemic, a pervasive and growing problem that desperately needs more attention and resources.
Q. What did you learn along the way that you would like to emphasize to our readers?
A. Our viewers need to realize that it’s easy to look the other way if you suspect addiction. However, education and prevention could save you – and your child. Awareness is the first step to change. Get the facts.
Parents – be vigilant and know what your kids are doing. Parents and adults, use Collision Course as an opportunity to personally examine your own habits. We are an indulgant society that has become heavily dependent on alcohol as a social tool. In addition, prescription pills are over-prescribed and over-used by young and old alike. Parents need to be good examples for their children and themselves. Addiction is a problem that knows no boundaries. We can all learn from this documentary.
As for young people, education and awareness prevents the problem. Mental health issues frequently initiate or perpetuate drinking and drugging. If you are struggling, ask a friend. A trusting adult. A parent. Help is available.
Don’t view mental health or addiction issues as a personal downfall. They are diseases – illnesses that respond to therapy and treatment. Get help. You are not a bad person trying to get good. You are a sick person trying to get well. Our program depicts addiction as a disease. For that, I am grateful.
Below is the first of two interviews with Joyce Mitchell, the Emmy-award winning producer of the Collision Course – Teen Addiction Epidemic documentary that premiered on KVIE-6 in Northern California. You can watch Collision Course here.
Q. As you filmed Collision Course, how did you select the people you chose to include?
A. The people I selected to participate in the documentary came from a variety resources. Some were suggested by the founders of PathwaytoPrevention.org, some were found by doing extensive research, others came our way as we were in the field shooting. However, everyone interviewed was pre-interviewed – even if on the spot. Years and years of producing television has given me the insight to determine who will me a good candidate for actual videotaping. Of course, interviewing technique is imperative in getting people to talk from their heart. Selecting a diverse number of people also is important. Not every interview can carry the same message. We tried to spread the message across the board – addiction impacts everyone, regardless of race or economic status.
Q. Collision Course reveals some heart-wrenching stories and vulnerabilities. Why do you believe people chose to tell their stories so candidly, and how did you develop such a sense of trust and safety as they told you their stories?
A. Developing trust with people being interviewed is sometimes challenging, takes time, and honesty. Participants were reassured that this documentary was being created to help others by raising awareness. Their stories, while difficult, helped us better carry the message. I had a couple of sleepless nights over some of the faces I encountered and the heart-wrenching stories I heard. However, knowing that we could save lives kept us all motivated to walk through the difficulty in an effort to take our cameras to new places and deliver to viewers a reality rarely seen on TV.
Q. What part of the filming process tugged most at your heart?
A. The most difficult stories were the ones about people who have traveled so far and so long down the path of addiction that I’m not sure they’ll ever find their way back. In particular was Kristina, who regularly prostitutes to get money to buy drugs. She said she was only 4-years-old when her older siblings turned her on to smoking weed. All of her life, this is all she’s known. Her future is bleak and given our current economic climate, I don’t know that she stands a chance. If she gets clean, she told me she will still have to sell her body to pay her other expenses. Public assistance is unavailable to her. She was a heartbreak. Then, the couple in the shooting den was tough. The 20-year-old young woman is from a wealthy family who somehow keeps throwing money her way. That money is apparently being used to fuel her habit – a habit that started with pills and is now out of control. When we were with her, the only place she could find a vein to inject her heroin was in her neck.
Her boyfriend Casey, a veteran who has served our country in battle, was exposed to drugs at a young age. Then, when he headed to Iraq and Afghanistan, he said he was handed pills to wake him up, keep him going, and wind down. Injured in combat, he was prescribed Oxycontin back here at home. He grinds up his prescription and injects it. The entire time we were with him – at least 2-3 hours – he was unable to find a vein anywhere in which to inject. His veins were collapsed and gone. He’s just 27-years-old.
Casey’s story raised my awareness about a growing problem among young people who join the military. In researching the problem, I found that Casey is far from alone. Our young men and women, recruited in high schools across our nation, are falling victim to drugs while in the military. As for the young woman from the wealthy family we found in the heroin den - I’ve searched high and low for her. I have heard she is still alive, has hooked up with gang members, and is driving around in a 2010 Jaguar given to her by her grandmother. She is still using.
Next week, Part 2 of our interview with Joyce Mitchell
Collision Course: Teenage Addiction Epidemic Documentary
The lack of awareness and understanding of the prevalence of substance abuse, coupled with the stigma of addiction, keeps people from talking about this epidemic. A group of mothers in northern California joined together to battle substance abuse in their homes and community. Watching their children face heart-wrenching battles with addiction, these mothers vowed to help turn the tide by educating teens and their parents about the very real risks of that first pill or drink. Collision Course – Teen Addiction Epidemic arose from their determination to bring teen substance abuse out of the shadows and into the classroom and the community.
Collision Course teaches young teens and their parents about the prevalence and risks of substance abuse so they can make choices to avoid addiction. The documentary will change lives by:
- Using the power of visual media to educate and motivate wise choices.
- Sharing compelling stories that paint a dark and realistic picture of drugs, alcohol and our youth.
- Presenting real-life experiences that will empower parents and their children to stop substance abuse before it starts.
An Emmy Award-winning team of television professionals assembled and produced this half-hour television documentary and companion outreach materials that are available for use in your community.