This is a guest post from Terri Busch, LCSW, who has worked in the mental health field for over 20 years. She has a private practice, supervises other therapists in treatment centers and presently blogs for New Roads Treatment Center.
I recently traveled to my family’s ranch to attend a celebration of, and say good-bye to my dear cousin. It came on the heels of several months of experiencing the downside of emotions that life can bring.
Before my son took me to the airport, he quietly mentioned I had not been myself for some time, and then handed me a book. He said he had recently come upon the book by accident while looking for another one. But he picked it up, glanced through it and felt it was something he wanted to read. He offered it to me and ask that I read it, and, as I read it, to consider who came to mind. I was moved.
As I read the book on the plane, I paused now and then to consider anyone coming to mind; I came up with the thought that my son wanted me to get something about his life: so I focused on people who we both knew.
Well, it could be this person or that, but listening to what might ring true yielded silence. So I kept reading. What I discovered was that the person it reminded me of was me. The book, Success through Stillness, is about compassion and meditation. The words reminded me of someone I used to be: patient, considerate, empathetic with those close to me. I realized that some of the darkness I had been experiencing was my old pattern of wanting to change things I had absolutely no power over. Resentment and anger at things beyond my control have been eating away at my peace of mind. It became clear to me that these negative feelings were the old “friend” of codependency.
I continue to be moved by my son’s compassion; in fact, when beginning to write today, the tears came again.
Which tells me I’m onto something here. When emotions can be felt, and understood and expressed, whether your own or a loved one’s, unexpected stillness and healing takes place. The kind of healing that the author of the book, Russell Simmons, notes:
“I hope what the Dalai Lama said really sinks in with you: The mind can change through training. But the truth is, you are not trapped in a certain relationship with your emotions or your thoughts. No matter who you are or what you’ve gone through, you are capable of finding this peace.”
I wanted to share this experience about how codependence can creep up on us and take us down that hard road of resentment and anger. The point is to notice the feelings and get back to what peaceful practices that help us focus on a life worth living.
Wish me well as I take on the wise words of the author (and many with whom he has worked) to make time to create stillness and peace. Let me know if you are someone who meditates and what it brings to your life’s journey.
For further information about New Roads Treatment Center, contact info@NewRoadsTreatmentCenter.com.