Author Archives: Eliza

Walking away from the blame game

When a child is in the throes of addiction, Mom or Dad often becomes the punching bag, figuratively and sometimes even literally.  They yell at us when they get in trouble, they blame us for their mistakes. “It’s all your fault!” is a common refrain in the homes of addicts and alcoholics. As a very backhanded compliment, young addicts tend to lash out and blame the parent who is the safest, the softest, and the most tolerant.  They may also blame and attack the parent they feel they have disappointed the most, as that sense of failure creates overwhelming, explosive anxiety.

So what do you do when your child is imploding in your face?  While it’s natural to get defensive and leap right into a yelling match, instead just “spit out the hook,” as they say.  When your child rants and raves, just say “Oh” instead of defending your decisions or actions, or trying to reason with an unreasonable person.

It helps to have some tools at your fingertips to disengage. Learn how to say, “Oh” instead of trying to arm wrestle with an agitated child.  Learn that you don’t have to say anything at all.  Know that you don’t even need to be there. And your child loses the right to be in your presence if they become verbally or physically abusive.  It’s time to take care of ourselves, and maybe–just maybe–that will help turn their tide of anger and lashing out.

Practice saying “Oh” so that it comes naturally under pressure, or just walk away altogether.  You don’t need to stick around and take the abuse, which becomes like gasoline on a fire.  It is so hard to not take the bait, but it’s harder to stop the confrontation before it starts.

And remember, you didn’t cause the addiction, and you aren’t responsible for solving the problems the addict creates.

The Missing Chapter in the Parenting Book

A while ago, I read about a book called “Dear Me, a Letter to my 16-Year Old Self.”  Amazon describes the book like this:  “In Dear Me, 75 celebrities, writers, musicians, athletes, and actors have written letters to their younger selves that give words of comfort, warning, humor, and advice. These letters present intimate, moving, and witty insights into some of the world’s most intriguing and admired individuals. By turns funny, surprising, raw, and uplifting, this singular collection captures the universal conditions that are youth, life, and growing up.

It got me thinking—what would I say to my thirty-year old self as I launched my ship into the seas of parenthood?  Maybe something like this…. “Dear Me: As you welcome your first child into the world, the good news is that you are embarking on a wonderful journey of discovery. The bad news is that you don’t get a map of any sort, beyond the wisdom offered by Dr. Spock.  And he doesn’t cover teen substance abuse.  So here is a list of tips to make the sailing smoother:

·         Be clear on your expectations and stick with consequences.

·         No matter what your kids do or don’t do, treat them with love and respect.

·         No matter what you do or don’t do, treat yourself with love and respect.

·         Holding on to past hurts only prolongs the suffering

·         Forgive yourself and others.

·         Know that you did the best job you could do at the time.

Well, that’s a start.  Looking back, what pearls of wisdom would you offer yourself (and others) who have journeyed through the Land of Addiction?

Sunday Inspiration

“This is all you have. This is not a dry run. This is your life. If you want to fritter it away with your fears, then you will fritter it away, but you won’t get it back later.

-Laura Schlessinger

Where ever you go, you are there (along with addiction)

At the peak of a child’s chemical dependency, one of my friends and her husband bought a camper so they could retreat into the wild and walk on pine needles instead of eggshells.  Other friends have kicked their kids out of their homes but permitted them to sleep in the yard or in the garage, a safe outpost that (in theory) spares the rest of the home from the insanity.  A mom friend asked me if she should move away from her family’s hometown with her daughter in tow after her daughter left rehab. Or maybe she should send her daughter away instead?   I wondered the same thing myself.

One year, I wouldn’t permit my son into our home when we were vacationing overseas, so he spent one Christmas Eve in the Hotel Honda in our driveway.   Was he in my home?  No.  Was he in my head?  Yes. So moving away from our home or travelling overseas didn’t solve the problem, which wasn’t my son.  It was me.

That’s because, as the saying goes, “Wherever you go, you are there.”  In other words, I bring my baggage along with me. At my darkest hour, I was at least as wedded to my child’s addiction as he was, and I could never leave it behind no matter where I went.  It colored all I saw and did, and I missed out on a lot…all for what??  My incessant obsession did nothing to help him get sober–it only tortured me.

If I have to lug something along with me, why not make it a dream instead of a demon?  Why not choose faith over fear?  We get to pack the baggage in our lives; let’s choose something that will nourish us, rather than deplete us, as we travel down this road called Life.

Sunday Inspiration

“Sometimes, mothers say and do things that seem like they don’t want their kids… but when you look more closely, you realize that they’re doing those kids a favor. They’re just trying to give them a better life.”

Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

What Dogs Can Teach Parents of Addicts and Alcoholics

While waiting at the vet one day, I picked up an enlightening book called What Dogs Teach Us:  Life’s Lessons Learned from Our Best Friends by Glen Dromgoole.  I skimmed through the book and found that many of these life lessons apply to man and beast alike.  Consider:

  • “Appreciate the preciousness of life.”  Addiction gives us an ongoing opportunity to practice this concept, trying to find the rainbow in the storm clouds.  As they say, practice makes perfect.  Keep looking for that rainbow to appear.
  • “Good behavior should be reinforced with complements or rewards.” My natural instinct as a co-dependent worrier is to get stressed and cranky.  Thanks to addiction, I’ve come to learn the futility of worry.  When worry bubbles up in my mind, I now try to wrestle it to the ground. Why should I let worry call the shots in my life?   I can be happier when I focus on the positive, and the people around me are happier because I am less preoccupied, maybe even more pleasant.. Win/win.
  • “Sassing back can make things worse.”  That goes both ways—you sass me/ I sass you, and we both lose.  The Al-Anon equivalent of this statement is “Spit out the hook” or “You don’t have to attend every fight you are invited to.”
  • “Run to the rescue of people in trouble.”  Uh oh. Maybe this natural instinct of mine wouldn’t be so problematic if I were Lassie or Rin Tin Tin, but rescuing people is bad for me and bad for them. This adage is healthy only if you are a dog or a paramedic.
  • “Co-dependency is OK as long as one of you has four legs.”  Amen to that!
  • And finally…“Take time to enjoy the smells and sounds and sights around us.” Life is short. If we mire ourselves in fruitless preoccupations about our loved one’s addictions, then our very own lives go passing by while we are looking the other way.

Sunday Inspiration

Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation………Forgiveness does not excuse anything………You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. ”

Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity

Stepping or Talking Your Way to Recovery?? Which Works Best?

Photo of two women talking.Working the steps has offered powerful tools against addiction or alcoholism ever since they were invented by Bill Wilson more than 60 years ago. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can also be a powerful ally in the quest for recovery. Turns out, “the 12 steps and cognitive behavioral therapy have a lot in common” according to an interesting article posted on The Fix. Guided by a therapist who works with the chemically dependent, this article points out where the two meet and where they diverge.

I found this article thought-provoking because, as a Blue Chip co-dependent, I have been addicted to my child’s addiction. We all know that drill: if they are sober, we can be happy; if they are using, our world falls apart. If they relapse, so do we. And sometimes we relapse even if they don’t. For those reasons alone, I need the twelve steps as much as my child.

At a minimum, this article was thought-provoking because it reinforced the notion that Al-Anon and AA are not religious; they are spiritual.  The fear of getting cornered by a religious zealot has kept people away from 12-step program unnecessarily.

Take a look at the article and see if it makes sense to you. As parents of beloved addicts or alcoholics, can the twelve steps replace our therapy, or can our therapy replace the twelve steps? Or maybe they work best hand-in-hand.  Only you can tell.

Transforming Loss as the Parent of an Addict

A child’s chemical dependency can give birth to tremendous disappointment.  We yearn for the son or daughter who didn’t grow up the way we expected.  We were hoping for college, but we got jail; we were anticipating joyful holiday celebrations, but instead we served up bitterness and swallowed our pride at the Thanksgiving table. Sometimes, horrifically, we don’t just lose our dreams for our children; we lose a child altogether.

What does a parent do with overwhelming grief when a child dies?  I recently heard Diedrea Welch’s story on the radio (scroll down to the Healing Arts story), and was transfixed by the way she dealt with the loss of her young son to a drunk driver.  He was just eight years old.

Diedrea’s wisdom can make us all stronger, no matter what our challenges.  She found that, after a period of immense grieving, her son’s death ultimately “led her to her own truth:  it woke me up to the reality of who I am as a human being.”  To paraphrase her experience, after being immobilized by his loss, she began to  figure out what was really important in her life and about her life.  And she began to examine what attitudes were serving her, and which attitudes weren’t. She began to spend her time and her life on the truly important things.

Diedrea transformed her loss in a truly transcendent way, and  I owe it to myself to try to learn from her.  So I ask– Which of my attitudes are serving me, and which are doing me (and others) harm?  What is really important about my life? Where should I devote my energy—in light of, or in spite of—the fears and losses I’ve known? If I can answer these questions, then I have learned well from my child’s chemically dependency, however heart-wrenching that has been.

Healing comes in many forms, even via radio waves….

Sunday Inspiration

Photo of diverse paper doll cutouts.“I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort, where we overlap.”

- Ani DiFranco