If Dad says ‘No’, Ask Mom – The importance of open communication

How many of us are familiar with the old bait and switch of asking Mom for something and if we don’t like the answer we try Dad hoping Mom doesn’t find out? I’m sure as kids we employed this technique if we thought no one would be the wiser. Yet, my Mom and Dad always communicated so I learned early that it wasn’t worth trying to pull one over on them. It seems to be human nature to want to get what we want and sometimes to push the edges to get it. I’m reminded of this scenario lately when there are times when my (ex in this case) husband and I need to work together on what’s best for my daughter.
Luckily my daughter is very upfront and beyond the antics of trying to divide and conquer us. As parents we have always tried to stay together on how to handle various situations. When my daughter was struggling with addiction, we often consulted with one another when there was a major decision to be made and sometimes even if it wasn’t major. My daughter knew that we were in dialogue so she knew it would be futile to try to get different answers from us. It was crucial for us to make this clear at all times so that she knew the boundaries and rules of our respective relationships. It was even more critical since we were divorced. In a divorced situation it can be very difficult depending on the relationship. I was fortunate that no matter what the differences were with my ex-husband and I, we found common ground with regard to our kids. Consistency helps to keep everyone in line with what is expected.