YOUR QUESTION: My daughter has been in-n-out of rehab and sober living centers for the past 7 years. She has been a chronic relapser with an opiate addition. She also liked to mix zanax and alchohol. She recently got kicked out of her sober living center for drinking and has no where to go but home. She says she has no desire to going back to drug use, and will continue to work her program outside a sober living center. She would like us to pay for her apartment, but experience tells me that’s not the right thing. So.. she has been living at home (thus far uneventful) for the past 3 days. I guess the question I have is – should we let her live here and see if she can stay clean, kick her out, or get her an apartment ?
EXPERT BRADLEY DEHAVEN: Given the circumstances, it doesn’t appear you have a choice (which is not uncommon). Duplicate the rules of sober living at your home including random drug and alcohol testing, curfew, etc. Trust is earned and any addict in recovery will understand that. Living with you is a privilege. Also, any adult living in your home should contribute in every way possible. Where there is life there is hope! Hang in there and never give up!
EXPERT CHRISTY CRANDELL: Right now, while it seems like you are helping her, you are really enabling her to continue her destructive lifestyle. If she is serious about working a program, then she will find another sober living center and abide by the rules as she is still obviously struggling with her addictions.
It is my opinion that she not live at your home NOR do you pay for an apartment for her. While I know this sounds harsh and it is hard to think of your daughter as being homeless, she has to take responsibility for her choices to continue drinking and using drugs.
Every county has an access number to get help to those in the community that are suffering from mental illness, substance abuse, homelessness. Give this number to her and tell her you will support her as long as she is actively involved in a program.
Finally, I would recommend you go to an Al-Anon meeting, specifically one for parents who have kids who are struggling with addiction. This will help you make good decisions both for yourself and your daughter as you travel on this difficult journey. Most of all, do not despair as many people find recovery every day!