Addiction: Cunning, Powerful, Progressive!

By Ricki Townsend, NAADAC on October 12, 2012

Photo of Ricki TownsendRicki Townsend, Family Counselor and Board Certified Interventionist, is a Parent Pathway Expert.  Please feel free to ask Ricki or our other experts any questions you might have about chemical dependency or your role in relation to someone with a drug abuse problem.

 

When I was in my addiction; I would have done anything to stop on my own. I would lay in bed alone; crying, praying and making the statement over and over: “Tomorrow will be different, I will not use.”   And yet tomorrow came and that night? I was begging myself to stay strong for tomorrow – for tomorrow I would not use.  I took two weeks off from work to stay home alone and kick it…..The very next day I bought more drugs to “do It” one last time.

Thank God, my prayers were answered. Not the way I thought they would be, but they were. My sister intervened after the family saw I had taken over $10,000.00 out of my parents’ savings account within a 5-week period. 

So today I am honored to say I am one of the lucky ones, I am a survivor, and I have been in remission for 28 years. I work hard at it. I am not abstinent -I am in recovery….

 

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On Cameron Douglas and Prison for Addicts

By Brad DeHaven on October 9, 2012

Cameron Douglas, son of actor Michael Douglas, is serving an extended sentence for drug distribution and heroin possession. He is 33 years old and began injecting heroin daily in his mid 20s. He has not received treatment in prison, and according to this NY Times Article on 5/21/12, “is a textbook example of someone suffering from untreated opioid dependence [for whom] more prison time would do nothing to solve his underlying problems.”

Treating any illness or disease with punishment is not the answer.  Sure there are plenty of examples where drug dealers should be in prison.  Especially when violence is involved.  Still, if someone turns to violence or drug dealing or prostitution to feed an addiction there should be medical treatment as part of their reform.

The State of California spent a lot of time and money to change their name from “The California Department of Corrections” to add ” . . and Rehabilitation” to the end.  It appears that all they did was change the name.  What changed behind the walls?

According to the CDCR website, on June 1st of this year, “Twenty-seven inmates from California State Prison-Solano today received certifications that will eventually enable them to counsel other inmates in addiction treatment programs for alcohol and drug abuse.” This is something; a start.

The State Prison Corcoran is supposed to work with substance abuse treatment, but it would appear that the availability of this is spotty and the success of these programs is uncertain. Opportunities for rehabilitation are primarily voluntary programs the prisoners can choose to join.

From what I hear, getting drugs in prison is easier than getting a steak.  The Times article about Douglas explained that Douglas got his incarceration duration extended because people inside the prison supplied him drugs and he was caught with them. Heroin. Suboxone.

Addicts have an illness and to put things in perspective, think about what a cancer patient might do to obtain life saving drugs if they were denied.  Would you sell your body to survive?  When someone is deeply addicted, they have lost control of the ability to “just say no” and all you need to do is watch the withdrawal video of my son to understand that the drug addiction is controlling the body.

No addict ever said, “Hey, I’ll smoke that joint; snort that line; or take that pill and if I’m really good at it I’ll be addicted and robbing a liquor store within the year.”

These people have a medical condition that is being ignored, and this is what has motivated a group of physicians to file a brief on behalf of Douglas.

Prison systems could cut costs dramatically and reduce the rate of return offenders if they took the word “Rehabilitation” seriously and segregated addicts into treatment centers that were secure without the need to put them in the general population of murderers and rapists.

Rehabilitate or Incarcerate? Perhaps a combination of both for addicts who have broken the law is the answer because either we treat the wound or we pour salt in it.

 This post was reprinted with permission from Bradley V. DeHaven, author and activist on the epidemic abuse of prescription drugs.   Mr. DeHaven contributes heartfelt experience strength and hope as a Parent Pathway expert.

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In Memory of Joey Kovar; The Pain of Losing a Loved One

By Ricki Townsend, NAADAC on October 2, 2012

Photo of Ricki TownsendRicki Townsend, Family Counselor and Board Certified Interventionist, is a Parent Pathway Expert.  Please feel free to ask Ricki or our other experts any questions you might have about chemical dependency or your role in relation to someone with a drug abuse problem.

 

Honey, may you have found the peace and healing you were looking for in drugs. 

This is such a tragic, tragic death as every one of these sense-less deaths are. Some of these deaths are accidental and some of these over-doses are purposeful. What do these sense-less over-doses and deaths remind me of? Somewhere family and friends are experiencing something so traumatic that this pain will stay with them for the rest of their lives. I personally lost someone, about 5 years ago. They tagged her Jane Doe…she died alone. And it was not that long ago that someone in my family almost lost her life, alone on a dark lonely stretch in the country – Alcohol addiction. I have a dear friend living with the loss of her daughter; drugs and alcohol. She is forever scarred and in pain.

I am so tired of our country, trying to hide and pretend this is not an illness. It is known as the “A” word. Addiction…Hmmmmm… I believe another “not-talked-about” disease had an initial – the “C” word, yes? Today we have major fundraisers and marketing on a constant basis to raise money for cancer treatment and cure. We grew to understand it was a disease and we let go of the Shame.

Are we slow learners?? Is it because the symptoms are so different? Is it that we still believe it is about self-will?

So to Joey Kovar’s family, and all of the other families living with this pain, I say, “I am so sorry I was not blessed to know him, but I know the pain of losing someone. I wish you peace, understanding and love on this journey you never asked to be on.”

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The Hula Hoop – A Co-Dependency Antidote

By Patty Ingram on August 21, 2012

Patty Ingram is an Addiction Counselor whose early career began in pharmaceutical sales. Her clinical background and degree in Psychology formed her unique ability to relate with compassion in helping others.  From narcotic addiction, pain management to education on how drugs affect our minds, bodies and lives, Patty also serves as a Parent Pathway Expert.  Please feel free to ask Patty or our other experts any question you might have about chemical dependency or your role in relation to someone with a drug abuse problem.

 

Ever find yourself stressing about a friend’s bad relationship…or your parent’s finances? How about if your college-age son is eating enough, or a co-worker’s ability to juggle her schedule? These are Hula-Hoop moments.

Your own personal area of responsibility is your Hula Hoop. It contains your goals, actions, emotions, obligations and commitments. One of the best tools to learn in life is the ability to determine what belongs in your Hula Hoop, and what actually belongs in someone else’s! This mental picture of a Hoop is useful for ourselves, and for setting boundaries with others. When worries like those listed above enter our minds, we need to remember, “that’s not my Hula Hoop” and be able to put those worries and dramas aside. Pray for those individuals, hope for the best, but let it go.

Perhaps you have a mother-in-law calling you with parenting advice; or a spouse telling you the best way to fold the laundry. Guess what?…That’s not their Hula Hoop! It becomes very clear when we use this image that we must protect what is ours, and give to others what is theirs. There are opportunities all the time to politely advise others to get out of our Hoop, and simply re-focus their attention on their own.

Imagine the ways to use this tool. We have so many people trying to manage us- in relationships, at work, and in families. Our ability to set appropriate boundaries provides peace of mind for all involved.

The Hula Hoop is a very simple way to put the brakes on co-dependency- our own, or someone else’s. We cannot solve everyone’s problems, and most of the time, the energy we expend trying is wasted. Analyze those swirling thoughts in your head as you try to fall asleep at night: how many are REALLY in your Hula Hoop? If not, mentally place them in the right hoop, and focus on what is yours.

When that intrusive advice or criticism comes your way, remind yourself (and if possible, the advisor) that this is an attempt to get in your Hoop. Protect your Hoop at all costs! It’s yours, and only yours.

We all have plenty to fill our Hoops. By remembering that our focus belongs there and there only- and that no one else is allowed, we give ourselves a gift: Peace.

 

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Living one day at a time can seem impossible when it is our children and addiction.

By Ricki Townsend, NAADAC on August 17, 2012

I remember when I had to ask my son to leave after many months of not living with integrity in my home.

That was the hardest winter I believe, I have ever gone through. Yes, it hurt not knowing where he was staying. Yes, back then I felt -how could I even survive it?  So the only thing I could do was to start living one day at a time. I did this by paying attention to my health. I started going to more of my own AA meetings, and became very involved in my Al-Anon meetings. I started walking the neighborhood every day for 40 minutes.

I read. I prayed.  And many – many days I would go to sleep crying. I can tell you on two occasions I actually woke up with tears flowing down my cheeks. I had dreamt about my son.

I am not saying it is easy. It certainly is not. But honestly, what was the alternative? This is what I learned for myself. To live by fear??? Fear of what I would find when I came home from work??

After many things had happened I finally realized I wanted my life back.  I wanted my safe haven back. My home. I also knew if their was a chance, I wanted my son back.  Eventually at the end of winter, sleeping in the park, on friends couches, and in the back seat of their cars, I finally got that phone call. “Mom, I want help, can I come home?”  I picked him up and the next day my son was in treatment.

I pray for all of you that the pain in your hearts become less and less.

Ricki Townsend, Family Counselor and Board Certified Interventionist, is a Parent Pathway Expert. Please feel free to ask Ricki or our other experts any questions you might have about a child’s chemical dependency.

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Ramping Up for Relapse–Your Child’s or Your Own

By Eliza on August 11, 2012

Photo of Ricki TownsendRicki Townsend, Family Counselor and Board Certified Interventionist, is a Parent Pathway Expert. Please feel free to ask Ricki or our other experts any questions you might have about a child’s chemical dependency.

 

Many of my clients fear the idea of their child’s relapse and wonder about the warning signs. Here are some possible “symptoms” if relapse, with the first three being the ones I see most often in the first year of recovery:

  • Complacency
  • Grandiosity
  • Not attending Recovery meetings
  • Dishonesty
  • Hanging with old friends  who were users
  • Not working with a sponsor
  • Making major changes in the first year, such as moving to a new town or starting a new relationship

As we look at our loved ones in recovery, we also need to take a good look at ourselves because family members can relapse, too. The following are the most common symptoms for those of us who deeply love our addicted/alcoholic children:

  • Focusing on the loved to the point that it puts our own health at risk.
  • Refusing to believe that our loved ones have a problem with drugs or alcohol. (also known s denial)
  • Covering up the messes and keeping secrets.
  • Worrying, feeling constantly stressed and walking on eggshells.
  • Having a hard time defining where “they” end and “I” begin.
  • Yelling and making empty threats about boundaries that we cannot or will not enforce.

 

Relapse is often described as a part of alcoholism and addiction, as if it were inevitable. That is not always the case.  And while you cannot control your child’s relapse, you can control your own. A critical first step in parental relapse prevention is learning about enabling so that you don’t fall into the trap of “If they are happy and safe, then I will be happy and safe.”  Find a good family counselor, learn how to create agreements and keep boundaries, and you will be in much better shape to prevent relapse –yours or your child’s — or deal with it constructively if it does occur.

 

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Catch Collision Course at Prime Time in Miami!

By Eliza on July 18, 2012

This is a guest post from interventionist and family counselor Ricki Townsend. You can send Ricki your questions at via our Ask the Expert tab.
Photo of Ricki TownsendI’d like to share with you the exciting news that our Emmy-award winning documentary, “Collision Course – Teen Addiction Epidemic,” is starting to air nationwide. This powerful documentary helps teens and parents understand how today’s substance abuse epidemic is taking a huge toll on teens, families and entire communities, and how education and awareness can stop chemical dependency before it starts. You can view “Collision Course” and share it here. 

If you live in the Miami area, you can watch “Collision Course” on PBS-17 at 9:30 PM on Sunday, July 29. Learn the details about the showing here.

“Collision Course” will inspire conversation, action and change. Please spread the word about this resource and get your rehabs, families, schools and community groups in front of the TV to talk about awareness, education, and the prevention of teen substance abuse.  Together, we can stop addiction before it starts.

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Seven Powerful Ways to Find your Sunshine Again

By GuestBlogger on March 29, 2012

This is a guest post by Cathy Taughinbaugh.
“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” – Joseph Campbell
Are you feeling overwhelmed because of your child’s drug abuse?

When we take the time to get the support we need, our outlook can feel so much brighter no matter what our children choose to do with their lives.

I’ve found an Al-Anon parent meeting that works for me. We often laugh at our meetings, which may seem strange to you. I’ve discover that if you don’t laugh and seek joy, you remain in that well of despair.

To listen, to talk and to learn how you can live a peaceful and serene life even if your child chooses a life of chaos is immeasurable.

Many come to meetings with paper and pencil in hand ready to write down all the things that will fix their addicted child. They are surprised when their paper is blank and they have nothing to write down. There are no easy answers.

Support groups, such as Al-Anon will not fix your child, but they will help you handle the emotional toll of addiction.

We can offer treatment, and there is always hope that our kids will take us up on our offer. Our addicted child may make the decision that they want to make a change.

It is excruciating, but this is their personal journey. We want to control their progress, but they will cross the bridge to recovery when they are ready.

What can you do in the meantime?

You can work on yourself. You can take steps to ensure that you will remain healthy and find some joy.

Here are some ideas on how to let the sunshine back in your life when you are feeling overwhelmed by addiction:

1) Attend a Parent’s Support Meeting.

Finding a parent’s support group that works for you may take some work, but it is a wonderful way to interact with other parents who have experienced addiction with their children. You will realize you are not alone. You can share and listen openly without feelings of shame. Al-Anon meetings are easy to find in every city, but there are others types of parent groups that may better fit your needs.

2) Exercise

Even taking a walk on a regular basis can do wonders for relieving the stress of dealing with addiction. When you find an exercise plan that works for you and make it a regular part of your week. You will begin to feel better, stronger and more hopeful. Your focus will begin to change.

3) Talk to a Professional

If you are feeling excessively stressed, a counselor trained in addiction, can help to relieve your anxiety about your situation. An objective opinion can be a welcome help on even a short term basis. Just knowing you have someone to call if you need to can make a big difference. Get the support you need early on. Don’t wait until you are emotionally exhausted. Ask others for referrals and find someone you feel comfortable with.

4) Find Some Quiet Time

Sit quietly for a few moments each day. Find a comfortable spot in your home. Sit on a chair or on a cushion on the floor. Let your thoughts float by and don’t judge them. It will help to center your thoughts, and give you a chance to stop and focus on your breath. Your mind will welcome the short break. You will begin to access your inner thoughts. Sitting each day each day helps to make us feel happier. Try it and see if you don’t feel some relief.

5) Treat Yourself Well

Going to a movie, or getting together with friends can add a little fun in your life. It will make you feel better. Just the simple act of bringing in beautiful flowers can give you something to smile about. Take care of yourself and give yourself the loving care that you deserve. Don’t do it just once. Make it a regular part of your life. Treat yourself well and you will realize the benefits.

6) Write Down Your Feelings

Writing each day is a soothing way to express our feelings and get our thoughts down on paper. Find three things to be grateful for each day and write them down. Write about something positive that has happened in your life. You may find that making a goal of writing three pages a day gives you a clear starting and stopping point. Of course, you can add more when you feel the need.

7) Let Go of Trying to Control Your Child’s Disease

When you surrender and realize that your child’s addiction is out of your control, a huge burden is released. We realize that we cannot solve our children’s problems. We can love them, and we can support them in healthy ways. When our children take responsibility for their lives, they become stronger. They will become the person they were meant to be.

Find your sunshine again. You can have that good day you’ve been missing, one day at a time.

Cathy Taughinbaugh is a former teacher and mother of a crystal meth addict who has been in recovery for over 6 years. She writes on addiction, recovery and treatment at Treatment Talk.org. You can also follow her on Facebook at Treatment Talk and twitter @treatmenttalk.

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Prison for Addicts?

By GuestBlogger on February 10, 2012

This blog post is reprinted with permission from Bradley V. DeHaven, author and activist on the epidemic abuse of prescription drugs. He contributes with heartfelt expertise for Parent Pathway using his personal experience, strength and hope. For more information, this and other posts on addiction issues, visit his website, www.rxdrugaddict.com

As you know, I went undercover to bust a dealer to keep my son from prison. I didn’t believe then, and I still don’t believe now, that prison is the place for addicts. Murderers, yes. Even dealers, yes. Addicts? Addicts do illegal acts to feed their addiction. Like dealing, smuggling drugs into prison, prostitution, robbing liquor stores, etc. but it is all because they are addicts, so it’s a fine line.

Like my son, Michael Douglas’ son Cameron was busted for dealing (Cameron was dealing meth), and is an opiate addict. He just got more time added to his sentence for successfully having drugs smuggled into the minimum security prison where he was serving his term.

It’s not so strange that a drug addict would risk everything to get more drugs. He is an addict! He needs treatment for his addiction, which one source I read said they were holding until after his testimony against a drug cartel. How does this make sense?

The Huffington Post, which is outwardly pro-drug decriminalization, featured an opinion piece written by a former addict who spent 12 years(of a 15 to life sentence)in a NY Prison for a first time non-violent drug offense. He, not surprisingly, writes that drug addiction is a medical problem, not a criminal offense.

I think addicts need professional treatment or nothing will change.

I have a whole mess of questions, and not a whole lot of definitive answers.

What do you think? Prison for drug addicts? I want to hear persuasive arguments.

 

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Powerless and yet, Empowered

By GuestBlogger on December 27, 2011

A Dad’s Road to Recovery

The month’s Guest Blogger, A Dad’s Road to Recovery, features a 3-part  series.  This is Part 3.

Each time my son was arrested, jailed, and released, I had to remember what the rooms of Al-Anon had taught me. I had to hold my son accountable for his actions and not try to rescue him for that was the only way he could learn what addiction was doing to him. It was difficult but not impossible to file a police report each time and watch the felonies stack up. I knew my actions were going to alter his life and take his freedom away but I knew in my own heart it was what had to be done. I learned to accept the concept of letting go after about 6 months in the program. As a father it was difficult to accept the fact I could not fix him and when that acceptance occurred – the doors of my recovery began for the first time to swing open. It was this event that provided me with the motivation to seek out a sponsor and work the steps. When you work the steps it puts you in a whole new dimension and you begin to develop a new thought process. You realize that the only real power you have is over yourself. When I truly understood that I was able to get out of my son’s way and allow him the honor and dignity to determine his own destiny, I knew the hope I had in my heart might lead my son down a different path someday and into his own recovery. But I must stay out of his way – which I continue to do to this day.

Will this ever end? I don’t really know. Only my higher power knows and only my son’s higher power can get him clean. I do know that as long as I have this program, show up to as many meetings as I can, continue to work the steps, and give back via service, I have a shot at not letting all the insanity of the past make me an inferior person. I use the Alanon program to keep my head on straight and get the most I can out of life so that I may enjoy the future.

 

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