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Learning to trust a loved one in recovery from addiction

It can be difficult to change behaviors that sometimes become a natural reaction. When my daughter was struggling with addiction I became very wary of anything she said or did. As things began to change with time and my daughter began to heal in her recovery, I often had to catch myself and how I was. In the past when certain situations would arise I would have to be very suspect of motives and underlying truths. But as my daughter was coming out of the fog of addiction, she was changing and growing. I would find myself second guessing or projecting past experiences on the current experiences unfairly.

Sometimes it would start with a feeling of discomfort and I would realize that I was not being fair. At times I would even express this to my daughter and apologize for not trusting her when she gave me no reason at the time to distrust. I always found it heartwarming that she would understand and say things like, ‘I know Mom, it is going to take time for me to prove myself to you and the rest of the family.’ The fact is, this is true, but I can also be open and willing as time moves forward to not have the same reaction as in the past. I realize that changes come with time and I will continue to do my part in moving forward.

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2 Responses

  1. I believe that trust has to be earned – based on behavior and time – not because they tell you that you can trust them. It is up to the person doing the trusting to decide when they’re ready to trust, and as you said, that takes time. It would be normal for the same actions to lead you to the same conclusions, especailly if proven repeatedly in the past. Of course the flip side is paranoia, which is also unhealthy.

  2. […] “To do the only thing that would work but was so hard to do as a parent. I finally had to let him go, an absolutely counterintuitive thing for a parent to do.”  Can you imagine? As a parent, our charge is to care for our children. To help them learn to navigate the world. It is possible, however, to get so focused on this “job”, that we get in the way. This is an anonymous post over at the New House Life blog this week talking about the difficulty in letting go when you have a child struggling with addiction. As the writer notes towards the end of the article, getting out of the way allowed the child to move forward and find his own path. Sometimes, we have to let go and get out of the way in order to make room for our loved ones next step. Even if that step would not have been the one we would have chosen for them. Learning To Trust A Loved One In Recovery From Addiction […]