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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…Worry doesn’t help after all!

mirror on the wallIt seems that no matter how much time I spend on relieving myself from the chains of co-dependency, I still struggle with worry. Ok, I suppose that means I’m human, that’s good to know! And maybe, just maybe, the biggest gift of all of this self-discovery is the raw awareness of each and every thought and action that I do. Sometimes ‘denial’ does seem like a viable option, yet I know that my life is much better when I live with eyes wide open dealing with the dilemma of the day. Today’s dilemma is that I recognize that I am beginning to worry about future events, also known as ‘future tripping’. For such a fun sounding phrase, it sure does lead to angst.
When my daughter decided to move back to town it was a joyful situation for so many reasons. She was close to 2 years clean and sober, hard-working, and being a responsible young woman. I could go on and on about the positives. Yet in the back of my mind I struggled with all the what ‘ifs’ that could take place. I am a strong believer of ‘what you think about comes about’. So I consciously had to not let my mind wonder and obsess on all the future possibilities. I have developed techniques to ward off those obtrusive thoughts by engaging new thoughts like a song that I find inspirational or quote or prayer. I also discuss my worries and fears with my daughter. I also think about boundaries that need to be respected and discuss them with her so that we are on the same. I also try to remember that things change and I need to look forward. So many blessings and joys have transpired, and I choose to celebrate those along the journey.

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5 Responses

  1. I have a different experience with worry. I allowed myself to control my worry once my daughter moved out of our house. She was independent from the age of 18..or maybe even earlier. She entered and graduated from law school soley by herself, then she opened her own law practice at 26 all by herself, then she met a horrible man who we didn’t know about. Probably because she knew I would worry. She broke up with him. Then at 32 she died of drugs. To this day we don’t know how she got the drugs that killed her. Many questions but no evidence. So “I worry” will she be saved and go to heaven or will she be judged for the phase of life she was in at the time of her death. I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but worry doesn’t stop for some of us..

  2. I understand your worry and applaud the way you actively work to deal with it. I am the same way with my son (2 years sober in May).
    I have been reading a great book that has an excellent chapter on relapse (When the Servant Becomes the Master by Dr. Jason Powers), I even sat down to send an email to my son this week outlining some of [the really small] things I’ve noticed in the past several months from him. Things like not talking about his sponsor, and cutting back on his therapist due to money. He knows I am super proud of how far he’s come and that I made the statements without any judgment, just wanted him to be aware. It was part of the plan when he left rehab in December 2008 that we give him a “heads up” if we see a pattern. I haven’t ever done it before now. It struck me though, when I read the chapter on relapse, that “it” begins long before the addict ever puts a drink to his lips. So, as his mom and someone who loves him, I pointed these things out. He, very politely and appreciatively, let me know he was confident in himself.
    This is all I can do. Thank God I got the message a long time ago that this is HIS journey, not mine. Let Go and Let God as they say!

  3. Joan- it is so true that worry doesn’t stop and I’m sure that in some way worry serves a purpose. I work to not let worry take on a life of it’s own – certainly not easy to do. Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience.

  4. Kimberly – thank you for the book recommendation – ironically I had this same suggestion from another person a couple weeks ago – I always take that as a message to pay attention! I will definitely pick up a copy and post on our recommended reading list. Thanks for sharing!

  5. I am new at learning what co-dependency does to you. Joan I so understand worry. I am learning one day at a time to not dwell on my sons addiction. Years we have tried to fix him. The last time he was sober for a month and decieded to go back to the clinic for not suboxone, but methadone this time. We learned until he was ready we could not kill ourselves trying to fix him. So now its up to him to heal himself and I have excepted it, and feel better, but there
    is still worry.