It’s hard to know when to stop parenting and start supporting in a healthy, respectful way. When dealing with a loved one struggling with addiction, this becomes even more difficult to determine. When someone begins using drugs, their maturity stops developing. For example, if a teenager begins smoking pot at 15 and they continue that habit until their 18, their social skills are that of a 15 year old. This poses a dilemma when you are trying to support your child into adulthood and their behavior is commensurate of that of a 15 year old. Decision, logic and responsibility are not at the level you would expect for an 18 year old.
Now add into this a Sober living house where you have a group of young and older adults who are working on their sobriety and are in varying stages of maturity and varying stages of recovery from the disease of alcohol and drug addiction. It is simply a combustible situation. Even when you have high hopes of forward momentum when your loved one transitions from rehab to the sober living situation, it can be very challenging. For the parent it is also challenging because you feel conflicted on what expectations you have knowing that you are not dealing with a mature adult. On the positive side, the maturity of someone accelerates when they are clean and sober. As the person in recovery takes on responsibility with their life and gets engaged in work and service, their maturity grows quickly. Knowing that the maturity may not be where it needs to be is important, but it should not be used as an excuse for lack of follow through. Keeping our loved ones in recovery accountable is essential in helping them continue their road to a responsible and joyful life.