No News is Good News – Stay in the moment, don’t let worry rob your joy

‘No news is good news’ – an age old saying that we often hear. In terms of a loved one with addiction it is a mixed feeling you get when you don’t hear from them as often as you think you should. These are rampant expectations that swirl through my head. Hmmm…I haven’t heard from my daughter in a couple days, what does that mean? Of course my mind plays lots of games with the answer to that question. Even though my daughter has been in recovery quite a while now, I realize my recovery from the trauma of having a loved in such a treacherous situation for an extended period of time holds residual effects for me. In the heat of the addiction, when I didn’t hear from my daughter for days, it ALWAYS meant something bad. I would fret and pace and do all kinds of crazy things to try to figure out what was going on.

Now as we have reached a place of normalcy in our lives, we have a healthy flow of communication. So, when time goes by that is not in our regular cadence it startles me how quickly I let myself begin the wondering and second guessing. Should I casually call her work and see if she’s there and okay? What if something happened to her? How would I know? And although these thoughts come to me, I am very aware of how they don’t belong and I remember the ‘no news is good news’ saying. If something was wrong she would call me! What is so humorous is that when she does call or I call her and finally get ahold of her it is always met with ‘I’ve been working long hours and it’s exhausting!’ or ‘I got together with friends and we had a great time!’. It is a constant reminder to me to enjoy the moments of my life and not let the unnecessary worry, that robs me of my real time joy, control me.

Sunday Inspiration for Parents of Addicts and Alcoholics

Are you choosing to live in joy?

Laughter Soothes the Soul

There have been times in my journey with a loved one struggling with addiction when I’ve wondered if I would ever laugh, maybe even smile, again. It sounds absurd now, but in the crisis that became my daily routine, I was so heavy hearted with distress, it seemed like a logical thought to ponder.  It seemed that crying was more normal than laughing for days on end. Yet, little glimmers of hope would show through and slowly I would see that maybe brighter days were ahead. The good news is that I am at a point where there is a lot to smile and laugh about. I was reminded today that one of my biggest lessons along the way was that it would be possible for me to find happiness even if my child chose to continue living a life of addiction. I learned that I did not have to be a part of it, that I could detach and move forward. I could also continue loving her no matter what her choices and accept who she chooses to be.
I’m very blessed that my daughter has chosen a life of recovery. And I am grateful every day that she is safe and happy. But there were times when I thought if I didn’t laugh, I would just keep crying, and so I tried to find the joy amidst the struggle. I meet with other parents who are early in their journey and it reminds me how fragile I felt. It also reminds me that laughter is soothing and comforting. It can take off without your permission and the next thing you know you are tearful with laughter. Give yourself permission to be happy and laugh and let others around you feel the same.